The Light That Shines Within You
To have “light” inside you means to possess an inner energy, your body, mind, and spirit, that inspires and guides you toward what feels right for yourself and the world around you. This inner light, sometimes called your “Inner Self,” is the part of you that truly understands who you are. It’s that quiet voice that reassures you during difficult times, reminding you that challenges are temporary and that there are meaningful experiences ahead.
Unlike rigid, black-and-white thinking, your Inner Self is complex and ever-changing, shaped by your experiences, reflections, and personal sense of compassion and integrity. It intuitively knows your deepest feelings about important aspects of life, such as money, relationships, and your future, and recognizes what genuinely brings you joy or discomfort. While your inner voice doesn’t claim to know exactly how your life will unfold, it often senses the next right step to take.
Living from this place, living from the heart, is a journey of self-actualization. It’s about uniting all parts of yourself, embracing growth, and moving toward a more authentic and transcendent life.
The path towards finding this mental well-being or light within ourselves is to build a strong foundation that aligns with the life your inner self believes. When we develop a healthy balance of emotion and logic, it is called a “Wise Mind”. (Dr. Marsha Linehan) We begin listening to that inner self that exists and is there to guide us on the path we want, or fulfill the inner desires our hearts have always had. "Wise mind is like a deep well in the ground. The water at the bottom of the well, the entire underground ocean, is a wise mind. But on the way down, there are often trap doors that impede progress. Sometimes the trap doors are so cleverly built that you believe there is no water at the bottom of the well. The trap door may look like the bottom of the well. Perhaps it is locked, and you need a key. Perhaps it is nailed shut, and you need a hammer, or it is glued shut, and you need a chisel." (source)
Sometimes wise mind is even harder to achieve when we’re in the middle of the weeds, burdened with life, or stuck in the mud of our daily lives.
One example of persevering through difficult times was when I founded my company, Aloe Bud. Early in my adult life, I realized I struggled to stay motivated in jobs where I didn’t connect with the company’s mission or purpose. Around the same time, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II after my first visit to a psychiatric hospital during a manic and psychotic episode. While my diagnosis has made it difficult to maintain traditional employment, it also inspired me to advocate for myself and stay committed to building Aloe Bud. Work can certainly contribute to self-fulfillment, but there are many other aspects of life worth focusing on as well.
Another example is how I put a lot of emphasis on others' needs, mostly in relationships, both friendly and romantic. When you’re in a relationship or have a friend who relies heavily on you, it’s difficult to see what’s working for you and what is not. When you spend so much time, thought, and energy on others' needs, you often end up neglecting yourself. But on the positive side, we all have the emotional power to block out, ignore, and protect ourselves from the emotional influence and negativity someone has over us by setting clear boundaries. It can be as simple as stating the word “No.” if someone wants you to do something you’re not okay with. If they need more, you could try, “No, because this makes me feel a certain way I don’t like.”, “No, because I’m emotionally unavailable to listen.”, “No, because I can’t right now, maybe ask in a few days,” or give another time frame you’re okay with.
Not finding the right group of people to surround yourself with becomes clear when you find new friends that align with your values as well as a community, whether that’s in-person or online, and begin to experience social and emotional support that you were previously lacking. It enables you to experience growth and learn about what matters to you personally. Becoming aware of the energy you’re spending on yourself and others is a constant journey.
Self-growth is not relative. There's no time frame that we're all on. It's our timeline, there's no competition, nothing to keep up with. We can't always be growing; we need to rest, too!
What does it mean to be “self-aware”? Whatever is happening in the space around you, sounds you hear, senses you smell, anything that can be touched or tasted, could be possible triggers to someone emotionally sensitive or vulnerable, and are all things that bring a greater sense of awareness to us.
The earliest memory I have of feeling aware was when my Gender was first questioned. When I was 6 or 7, I considered myself a “Tomboy”, or someone with assertive energy. My next-door neighbors invited me over to play. We were outside having a great time playing on their swingset, and at some point during this, one of the children who were there asked me, “Are you a boy or a girl?” I was mortified. I asked “Why?” and he said simply because of your hair, which was a mullet styled at a barbershop, (it was the early 90s) I had never been asked that question before, and having my gender identity questioned caused me some serious feelings of anger, shame, and euphoria for quite some time. Later in life, during elementary school, a boy I had a crush on told me that I would “look better if I wore makeup”, another gender-related comment that upset me, as I was young and didn’t understand what I was supposed to do with that comment.
As someone who lives with PTSD, I’ve learned the world isn't made for people with trauma, but we can make our lives what we need them to be through self-understanding, self-growth, and setting boundaries on what triggers or makes us emotionally vulnerable.
When it comes to language, words matter. When I say that people don't truly understand the impact of certain words, they do not know how they can affect someone’s sense of self, security, and well-being. That’s not to say someone else won’t someday understand how a single word can affect you, but like trauma, sometimes you have to go through, or relate to the experience in some way, to “get it”. I believe this can happen through creating open forums of discussion and prompts that bring mental awareness to past experiences in a non-triggering way.
When talking about or to yourself, try using words that feel suggestive and encouraging, rather than harsh or guilt-laden. We can create a space where the healing process can begin and real growth can start.
It’s important for me to show my soft, vulnerable side because this is who I am. I want to show others that they too can be soft and vulnerable and be strong at the same time. It’s important to allow us space to be emotional, to have our boundaries respected, and to ultimately grow together like the plants with complicated emotions we are.
I’ve had all sorts of words, both unwarranted and warranted, said to me for most of my life. Some were intended to hold me back from self-discovery, to use shame as so to control my actions into behaving a certain way so as not to receive this anger. Harsh, stigmatizing words can inflict wounds in our hearts and minds and seep into our thoughts.
These untrue perceptions about ourselves based on others can become like weeds, they’ll creep up and suck the life out of you if you give them the chance. Sometimes the weeds and words can be helpful, and pull us back down to Earth. If our perceptions of ourselves become too big, if they’re not there to enhance us, they possibly could be draining energy. It’s up to you to check in with yourself and what your vision for yourself is. Does it align with what I care about and want to live for?
I want people to realize that we’re always growing, even in the moments where we feel stagnant – growth is still slowly and steadily happening. But if we’re not aware of it, it makes it difficult to see the light at the end of the temporary tunnel.
